i was at 100 calories (2 popsicles/10mints) until i got home. then i ate a slice of pizza. i went to bed because my stomach had been hurting all day. but i felt guilty so i got up&purged. i didn't feel better but i fell asleep anyway even though the rain had stopped (oh yeah, we had a tornado watch until midnight. no big deal, we never actually have tornadoes here. just windrainlightninghail.
now that i'm awake i'm in a weird mood today. how do i take care of a 4year old when all i can think about is how fat i am? at 5'8" i feel huge all the time. i hate being tall. even when my friends talk about fitting into a size 12&i don't want to tell them my 5's are falling off. can i scream today? nonono, i cannot crack my mask. but i can smile. can i? yes. i checked. smiling muscles are functioning properly. goodness. goodness? no goodness here. only silly insanity with days of calm dripped here&there. i've been resting my right hand on my collarbone&typing with my left. i'm right-handed. this post is long. long like the list of goals i have. small goals. reachable. i've reached some of them. why am i so big? maybe my legs will fall off, like they do in my nightmares. they ought to weigh quite a bit. then i'll weigh less. but then i won't be able to run away. i do like to run away. oh dear, i've lost my head again.
or:
i can relate to the sunburn. i get one or two every summer. but she's thinner than i am, i think. can i be that thin? yes. one day. stay strong today, lovelies.
xoxo
zette
p.s. i want a basket for my bicycle. also i want a backpack. hmph.
we had a tornado warning the other day well a watch it was spotted never touched down though and im in new jersey we dont get them here
ReplyDeletejust focus on the kid trust me i babysit all the time and it takes ur mind off of everyting cause u are focusing on them
I go loopy too... A lot. My friends wonder what's wrong with me most of the time.
ReplyDeleteI wish I was your height though. I hate being 5'5", I just look stumpy and gross.
<3
basket all the way! then you can get a bell and streamers and you're set:D
ReplyDeleteI feel like people are nicer to me ((get out of my way without grumbling, smile as I pass, etc.)) when I'm riding the bike with the basket, bell, and streamers:]
I've been loopy recently too. Hope things are going your way..
xo Hana
I know how you feel about the sizes. I am 5"7 or a little more, and I am a size four. My problem is that I have no one to ask for creds or anything on my good fasting days. All everyone ever sees is when I binge, and they accept it. They think I am naturally skinny, and keep throwing food at me. H.A.T.E. it. Urgh.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, wish you the best :)
- Maarn