5:00pm

tomorrow spending the night at my friend's for her birthday. saturday babysitting for a few hours. the little boys are really laid back, it's super easy. sunday will be a normal day. i'll probably spend most of the day cleaning. monday will be interesting. monday is the start of my new (but short-term) plan. i'm stoked. i don't know how long it will last, it's really just for kicks. basically, it's a fast. just specific enough for me. cheers for rules. i'm feeling a bit outofcontrol lately with all the purging. getting back to a routine&hoping to lose a pound or two.
just biked to the store. bought two bottles of pills. the first, regular ol' pain reliever pm for when i've done my evening workout&i'm jittery&need to sleep. the second, some sort of green tea fat burner. it's more of a mental crutch than anything. i'm not expecting any spectacular results. i used the self checkout to buy it&when the lady came over&put her little numbers in to make the scary "approval needed" screen go away, she looked at the bottle, at me, gave me a funny suspicious sort of look, &walked away. anyway, i'll post specifics of the plan probably on sunday.

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matching outfits. bloody hell. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. surprise's face is all cleared up&so is spinny's. so i'll give them the meds for another week&declare my dwelling ringworm free.

8:55am

i'm frustrated. stuck in a little eat/purge/workout/repeat cycle. lately, even when i eat a normal amount (like 300cals a day) i purge every bit of it. it's driving me a crazy. sickbadawful habit. but i'm losing weight. slooooowly. sorry i haven't posted earlier. just haven't had anything to say. i got my new converse. i've wanted some for quite a while. i have a blue pair, but now i have a plain ol' black&white pair to go with everything. bought shoe inserts before they even arrived by mail because converse are flat shoes&i do not have flat feet. i'm going to stop here&post some pretty photos so i can sit on the back deck with my coffee before my mother comes back home to tell me how disappointed in me she is.

or:

personally, i wouldn't stick to a hobby that requires a leotard unless i looked good in a leotard. (imissballet) stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. going to the vet later for more ringworm medicine. almost all cleared up.

p.p.s. the ringworm is not on me, gross, it's on my cat&dog.

12:29pm

sat on the deck with my dog next to me. was a nice, cool, quiet morning until my mother came out to lecture me about my future. something about making plans. i've made plans, i've told them to her. she doesn't like them. grumpy little zette. grumpy big zette. almost forgot i'm a uselessnogoodfatfuckofa human being. whoops.
home alone for the rest of the day. took a long shower. pinched all my fat, scrubbed every inch of my body, carefully shaved my arms&legs, applied a ridiculous of lotion. misted my clothes with cotton candy body spray. i prefer to smell like sweets rather than eat them. silly girl, i say to myself. so i'm avoiding mirrors. tiptoeing past the scale in case it notices me&draws me in. cup of coffee, good book, good music, phone on silent. fuck the world, i'm going to spend some more time on the back deck on the swing in my own little universe.

or:

i don't like cowboy boots. but that skinny blonde makes them look alright, yes? stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. went bonkers last night&started following lots more blogs. so confused now.

8:30am

got up at 7. something to complain about, something to smile about. complaining about the fact that i finally have a way to earn money&i'm having to spend all of it on goddamn ringworm medication for my cat&dog. taking surprise in to see the vet today because she has a scrape on her face that is suspiciously circular. anyway, that'll be $25 for meds plus $35 for the exam, i think. spending the day cleaning. washing ALL my clothes&sheets&such in hot water, sweeping&mopping&wiping stuff down with diluted bleach. throwing a lot of stuff away. in the end this will have been a good thing, but right now i'm a little bummed because my best friend's birthday is coming up soon&i've got to get her a gift.
but i can smile about the fact that the cold front finally came in. it got down to 52 last night&the high for the day is 86 which is so much nicer than 108. i love being bundled up in a hoodie. energy drink for breakfast. bad but oh well. coffee for the rest of the day, but maybe something for lunch. i'll go running tonight. also, this morning, i was whining about how cold it is&my mother said "it's because you're thin." fuck yes.

or:

let's focus on the left. average/big girl, guy, skinny girl. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. wish me luck with getting through today. &to the people who text me, go for it. please.

7:54am

about to go for a run, so this will be short. my mother's cat summer woke me up at 5:10am. i read a few chapters in my book while cycling...whatevethefuck you want to call it. it looks like i'm riding an invisible bicycle while lying down. anyway, did 120 crunches. my back&shoulders hurt. my bones make weird sounds when they hit the hardwood floor. but i love doing crunches. off to the park before it gets to the high of 99 today.

none of the girls in this photo are fat. but......we all see the skinny one, right? stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo
zette
p.s. i had 12 m&m's yesterday.

12:21pm

down another pound. dizzy. worth it. anyway, my cat spinolio has four little wounds on her shoulder. i, being the nongrossoutable that i am, cleaned it with saline, squeezed all the pus out, rinsed it with diluted hydrogen peroxide, applied ointment, took her to the vet. he put antibacterial stuff on it. said it will heal fine. but oh, by the way, that scrape on her face is ringworm. fuck fuck fuck. really? so that's a few bucks outta my piggy bank. plus a shit ton of guilt because my 5-year-old niece has ringworm&now we know where she got it. fuck fuck fuck again. i'm frustrated. going to the store to get m&m's today. why? because i want them, goddammit. i wanted them before, i had it planned, i'm not an emotional eater. so m&m's&lots of small cans of wet cat food because i feel bad&should probably spoil my cat a bit. i'm off to do laundry, to wash everything that might have touched the ringworm calico.

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i'm upset. i can't think of a fucking caption. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. don't worry, i won't eat too many m&m's.