7:46pm

went to my friend's new years party. they were playing loud drinking games at the table. so i found a person to stick to, a 6-foot-tall russell brand looking guy named steven. smoked a pack of cigarettes save 3. 5 shots of whiskey, two cans of beer, a glass of wine&a glass of champagne, all on a stomach empty of food for 2 days. steven kept trying to help me around. so then i'd do a pirouette&curtsy to show i didn't need his hands on me. i hold my alcohol well. he's nice though. i played piano&sang for him, oddly enough. he said i have a ballerina's body. at 5:30am i dropped myself on a chair&he crashed on the couch. the sun woke up at 7:30am&smacked me in the face with its light. a guy was in the small chair next to me&looked like he might slide off. he woke up. so i got up&let him take my roomy spot because i'm nice. stood next to steven wondering if there was room for me next to him. i decided there was. so i spent the morning trying to fall asleep, he spent the morning running his hands from my hip bones up my ribs. weird having someone's fingers on my skin. i don't like to be touched. but i was still drunk&his body heat was enough to keep me there. he kissed me&i didn't kiss back. i got up to clean when my friend made her way into the living room. they all went to ihop for breakfast, i stood out of sight until they had all left, then i told sleeping steven goodbye.
after that i helped my sister&her husband move all day. so i'm fucking tired. but it was fun. it's nice to know that i can be normal around a boy. guy. man. whatever. 9 years difference between us. all we did was cuddle. a childhood buddy of mine fucked a guy she met that night in the living room. she looked regretful this morning. she's skinny. hope you guys let yourself have fun like i did. sorry to those of you who got phone calls from me. i had my phone in my combat boot&it took me a while to realize the keyguard was undoing itself.

one of my old friends in the pink. we used to hang out a lot. i never kept food down around her. you wouldn't either. she's my age&about half my size, i think. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. ran razorblades across my feet. bloody socks&shoes. i don't care. i hate zette.