i have a big bruise on my back where my ribs&spine hit the floor from doing crunches. we have hardwood floors. i need to get a rug. for now, though, i'll find another exercise to do instead so this bruise can heal.
meeting up with R on thursday at starbucks. i'm nervous. my best friend's family talked to her, so she might have some notsofun words for me. but that's okay, too.
i haven't been sleeping well lately. i live off caffeine through coffee&the fat burner pills so i can safely get things done at work. then i come home, go to bed, &wake up 6-8 times during the night. because lucy is back again. oh, lucy is the cute name i gave to the thing that scares the hell out of me in my nightmares. i wrote about her. a long time ago.
lucy's skin is thick
but transparent, like a membrane
with just the sound of its breath
it ignores all time frames
on its face a vertical line
contorting with emotion
all i've seen is anger
hunger, revulsion
its legs are strong
long, muscular
its torso like a man's
veins show too much
unlike any other
is its gait
hunched over
with a limp
quick but hindered
the sound of footsteps, chains
the thinnest metal wraps its ankles
just the sound of it, i'm drained
i don't like lucy
not at all
not to hear
not to call
its arms are disproportionate
bigger than the rest
the fingers are chapped lips
they cannot hide the smell of its breath
wide, serrated teeth
beyond the peeling fingertips
yellowed, rotting
each one holds skin, grips
its wrist holds tonsils
or something like them
shaped much like my own
with a tongue like snakes, alive
the throat is long
up to the elbow
bending, up the shoulders
the ugliest color i've seen
a creature like no other
not sure what lucy is
something sinister
made of memories?
its crooked legs
carry it toward me
a breeze throws
its stench in my face
rotting
decomposing
wasting away
decay
its lips
fingertips
part slowly
close again
releasing breath
&screams
of souls of victims ages ago
perhaps in others' dreams
lucy robs me of sleep
of peaceful rest
of safety
without eyes it watches me
i'm paralyzed
grasping an opportunity
wrapping me in lies
when i awake i'm almost free
left with only fear
a bad taste
a sick feeling
but soon i'll sleep again
it'll be waiting
through the cycles
down to REM
unconscious
it will reach inside me
stealing my voice, my screams
it's what i have to look forward to
&my friends tell me "sweet dreams".
when you're thin, you get to be on top of the pyramid. stay strong today, lovelies.
xoxo
zette
"being thin¬ eating are signs of true willpower&success." i have that line stuck in my head.
lucy sounds scary :S i hope it leaves you alone soon :/
ReplyDeletelove the thispo :)
lottie x
OMFG Lucy sounds horrifying. Some terrible zombie queen of evil.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, how about 'dreamless sleep'?
<3
sorry about your friend, dear.
ReplyDeletedo you have a pillow to do crunches on?
use an exercise ball! its way more difficult to do them also.
ReplyDeleteand wats going on with your family and friends are they erasing you because you are "ill" , and think you will snap out of it if they show tough love? even a child knows that this approach wont work.