sometimes, with every pound i rid myself of, i feel like i'm losing control. i don't know when this happened. it's weird, you know? to be in a floatingdreamyimaginary headspace, then to wake up&find you're not quite sure how you got here. hold on, i've got green tea in the kitchen steeping. okay back with my green tea. as if you were waiting for me to type this. i'm so odd. "hey one of my students gave me this box of chocolates. you're welcome to them." "oh okay." no thanks. but i opened them&&counted them&the smell of them filled me up. do you do that? when you're not eating? i get unbelievably full just smelling food. sometimes i panic, i think i've actually eaten. i slow down, run my fingers over my bones, breathe in, breathe out. no, i didn't eat. i'll eat tomorrow though. or maybe the next day. i'll eat. really.
there was a fundraiser at a restaurant last night for my buddy so i went after work to help. they had all gotten food before i got there, so i told them i ate at work. then my friend was looking as i texted my mother "i ate at chiloso with the girls." so my friend said, "um, no, you didn't." so i said, "yeah but i don't want to eat my mother's food haha." then we all laughed&nobody told me to eat&all was well.
the girl on the left wants to get into modeling. you can't expect to be a model simply because you're tall. &the girl on the right is the skinniest of her friends. must be fantastic. stay strong today, lovelies.
xoxo
zette
p.s. i used to go by the bottle's instructions. i used to take 4 a day. now i take 12 a day. 12 green tea caffeine pills&i'm still so worn out.
I never wanted to do into modelling. I guess I read 'Ticket to the Sky Dance' too many times. It shows you how fake the world is, when someone can manipulate images to convince the world that another person is still alive&working when for all intents and purposes they're dead.
ReplyDeleteI hate eating dreams, I wake up and start freaking out before I realise that is was JUST A DREAM. Fuck! D:
I hope you're well and feeling less tired today <3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn5irtXT8fY&ob=av2e
ReplyDeleteDearest Zette
This song reminds me of you, somehow. I don’t know you, from other than twitter and this blog of yours, and I can only pretend to believe that I’m going through something comparable to you. Well, I think the song is about a girl who feels overseen by her parents (or the world), or maybe misunderstood and therefore – treated wrong. Therefore she tries to speak by her “lullaby”, whit out actually letting anyone fully come under her skin, because she doesn’t trust them. I don’t know if you get what I’m saying, this was more a thought than a meaning.
I hope you’ll get better soon, somehow, ‘cause I believe that you are so much more than this. You do deserve to feel better.
/Hailey