10:02am

fucks sake, things are ridiculous lately. i'm still in california. hoping to move back home to texas later this year. my head is still a mess, here's my mindset in a nutshell:

 an ugly scar, probably could have used stitches. it re-opened
& i had to explain a bloody shirt to my therapist. awkward.

 still sketching...badly.

 still love pills. (even my lips are fat.)

 "i inscribe three lines, hush hush hush, into my skin. ghosts trickle out."

i lost my place setting necklace so i made this one to replace it.

my sister & i have separate jobs now. we both work a lot so i don't have to eat often. that's my current rule: never eat alone. i'm alone a lot so it keeps things simple. right now i'm obsessed with coffee & lacroix sparkling waters. well that & xenadrine & vitamin B supplements. since calories are energy, i am crazy tired lately. i work outdoors & by the end of the work day i can barely convince myself to shift gears on the drive home. but i burn calories all day at work walking, lifting, cleaning, etc. so there's that.

the computer desk is covered in food at the moment. pretzels, maui onion chips, trail mix, pop tarts, twizzlers, lime chips, bread, crackers, cheerios, peanut butter, etc. drinking coffee&ignoring it. it's only been fourteen hours since i had a cucumber last night. i don't have a scale here; it's at the other house that i'm moving the rest of my things into on monday. so monday i'll weigh in & probably freak out. i'll be so upset if i've gained.

oh, jess emailed me for this list so i'm posting it here. this is my playlist lately.

skin & bones.........................................marianas trench

waltz moore.........................................from first to last

ana's song (open fire)...............................silverchair

just a little bit.......................................maria mena

bleed like me........................................garbage

skinny.................................................filter

4st 7lb................................................manic street preachers

ana & mia............................................the trews

annie's anorexic.....................................the huntingtons

anorexia..............................................zeeza love

anorexic beauty.....................................pulp

breathe again.......................................jimmy robbins 

breathe me..........................................sia

cars & calories......................................saves the day

cause & effect......................................maria mena

creep.................................................radiohead

eyesore..............................................maria mena

fatso.................................................the story

feed me..............................................juliana hatfield

hungry still...........................................katie herzig

lemon.................................................katy rose

lucy at the gym......................................jill sobule

me & mia............................................ted leo & the pharmacists

numbers..............................................pompeii

penny is an anorexic................................saturday supercade

skin and bones......................................foo fighters

skinny love...........................................bon iver

skinny................................................edith backlund

sophie................................................eleanor mcevoy

internal dialogue....................................maria mena

self-fulfilling prophecy.............................maria mena

i hope you guys are doing alright. i know i probably seem like a ghost since i rarely post but if you'd like to chat drop me a line. ilovezette@yahoo.com

stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. do you guys work out when you haven't eaten? i'm obsessive about finishing my exercises whether i've eaten or not. 500 crunches on an empty stomach: story of my life.