9:55pm

hold on tight. it might be a long one. strep is gone. is it bad that i didn't even notice it? i purge so often these days i'm sort of used to a sore throat. ear infections still bugging me though. especially at work around the screaming baby. but i still love my job.

anyway, last monday after my session with my lovely counselor i hopped in my car&cut my fingertips open. took forever cleaning up. by that time my counselor was leaving (we're the last ones in the building because she stays late for me), too, so she pulled up beside my car to check on me. ladies, don't let anyone on your outpatient team catch you with blood running down your arms. the sad part? this has happened before. twice. i should fuckin know better. so then the next morning she leaves a voicemail letting me know there's an envelope at the front desk for me. so i pick it up the next day. inside is a note saying i should have a friend pick me up from therapy for the next six weeks. also a client safety contract. obviously i was torn between laughing&punching someone in the face. 

it's a fucking joke. basically no cutting, restricting for over 12 hours, purging by exercise, diet or water pills, etc. told you it was funny. i'm pretty positive that if i didn't sign it she'd have handed me off to another therapist. so i signed it, made a copy, &dropped it off at the office this morning. at the bottom though i fixed it. so with my edit it said "by signing i agree (enough) to (try) the terms stated above." 

i'm rambling now&will probably not say anything useful so feel free to check out now. anyone else think therapy is awkward? i guess i don't know therapy etiquette. rules. whatever. so i tiptoe around everything. i'm nervous though. because people only put up with me for a certain amount of time before they give up. you probably know this because you've probably experienced someone losing faith in you not long after insisting they never will. stupid humans acting human.hold on, calico just jumped in my window&is in my lap wanting to be cuddled. okay, back. so much cat hair. right, humans. humans are the worst of creatures. entertaining though. especially over here in the usa after that debate. our president pulled a bush by shooting for a pass instead of a win. oops. to be fair, though, romney is campaigning full time so he threw everything at that debate. obama is sort of busy being potus. enough on that. probably too much on that.

since i'm sure you're very concerned about my curls, i've got to inform you they're thinning. my hair is falling out at a messy pace. i run my fingers through my hair in the morning to prevent shedding at work&toss a big clump away every time. abdominal pain is a constant thing again. but it's nice to be watching my weight go down again, too. i'm at a technically healthy weight right now. i get told a lot (once or twice a week by strangers) that i look like a ballerina. i don't know what they mean, but i'm alright with that. i bought xenadrine at el walmarto. the cashier asked if it worked. i shrugged. she asked if it was an impulse buy. i told her i'd been taking it for around a year. when i stepped around to get my bags she told me i didn't need it&that i was so small already. so basically i hate that they have to check your ID to let you buy it because apparently it's a conversation starter.

eyes are watery from yawning. i suppose i ought to jump in bed. i bought a new blanket because of the chilly weather. in other words, i take longer getting out of bed&i wear it as a cape around in the mornings. part of the super exciting safety contract mentions three meals a day along with two healthy snacks. i'm wondering if she'll laugh when i ask what constitutes a meal. fuck.

to look skinny sitting on a small place in shorts. that's a goal.

xoxo

zette

p.s. bought stevia today because i'm getting tired of black coffee.