10:01am

my sister said "it's weird, you're so grown up. you have a job, you drive yourself around, feed yourself-well actually you suck at feeding yourself."
my mother said "you're getting too thin."
my friend said "if you need to wear a coat into the grocery store, you're too skinny."
my friend's mother said "you are real thin&people take notice."
my friend had an acoustic gig in a coffee shop. i went. he dedicated a cover to me&gave me funny little sad looks at "yeah your skin and bones, turn into something beautiful". obviously "yellow" by coldplay. 

anyway, it's been weird lately. i have to eat. for my job i arrive at the home at 7:45am, get the little one ready for school, drive him at 8:45am. then i'm free until i pick him up at 2:30pm & his brother at 2:45pm. the dad usually gets home around 7, at which time they've had a bath&eaten dinner&are ready for bed&snuggled on the couch with a movie. i love being a nanny but since i have these two little guys in my care i am not allowed to be the zombie, in&out of reality, emptydizzyforgetful zette i was. now i've got to be grown up&responsible. but i'm not going to get fat again. that was ridiculous. when i say out loud that at 5'8" an acceptable weight would be 130lbs, ship me off to the loony bin. that said, the people who worry are a bit troubling for me. it's different when a stranger online tells me to take care of myself. but when someone who knows me, sees me often, tells me i'm looking a bit dabbish, it's almost intrusive.

the girl on the left was in my group at a retreat a while back. super skinny. anyway, i've had my 100cals for the day so now i'm having peppermint tea. perfect, it's rainy here. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. the 2year old's preschool teacher has an english accent. she calls him "gorgeous". dearest english people: do you know how fucking adorable your accents are?